There was a very gracious lady who was
mailing an old family
Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people
in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning
and say, "Good Morning Lord",
And there are those who wake up in the morning and say,
"Good Lord, it's morning".
A minister parked his car in a NO PARKING zone in a large city
because he ran out of time and could not find a space with a meter.
He quickly put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
"I have circled the block 10
times.
If
I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment.
Forgive
us our trespasses".
When he returned, he found a citation from a Police Officer
along with this note:
"I've
circled this block for 10 years.
If
I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job.
Lead
us not into temptation".
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday
and announced to his congregation:
"I have good news and bad news:
The good news is, we have enough money
to pay for our new building program.
The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets".
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because
attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign ...
"Energy Efficient
Vehicle:
Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do Not Step
In Exhaust."
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question,
"Boys and girls ...... What do we know about God?"
A hand shot up in the air.
"He is an Artist!" said the kindergarten boy.
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - 'Our Father, who does art in Heaven' ..."
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just
before a long holiday weekend. The
attendant worked quickly,
but there were many cars ahead of him.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay.
It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready
for a long trip".
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean.
It's the same in my business".
People want the front of the bus,
the back of the church, and
the center of attention.
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly,
"I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean,
you 'know' what the Bible means?"
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father,"what does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy Daddy," the young boy replied excitedly.
"It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth'. "
Sunday after church, a mother asked her very young daughter
what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be
scared mom, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, her mother was perplexed.
Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the mother
asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said, "Be not afraid, thy Comforter is coming."
The minister was anxious with thoughts of how he was going to
ask the congregation to come up with more money than they
were expecting for repairs to the church building.
On top of that, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist
was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here is a copy of the service", he said impatiently. "But, you'll
have to think of something to play after I make the announcement
about the roof finances".
At the end of the service, the minister said with troubled heart,
"Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty, the roof repairs are
going to cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more.
Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up".
At that moment, the substitute organist played
"The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist.