How Many Church Members Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Amish: What's a light bulb?

Baptists: At least 15 --- one to change the light bulb, and two or three committees to approve the change and decide who brings
the potato salad and fried chicken.

Charismatic: Only one --- hands are already in the air.

Episcopalians: Three --- one to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to say how much they all liked the old one better.

Fundamentalists: None --- not allowed, there are no instructions in the Bible for light bulb changing.

Judaic: Twelve ---

    1 to change the bulb,
    3 to haggle with Maury about getting a lower price on bulbs,
    4 to argue that Hymie can get it cheaper at wholesale,
    2 Rabbinical students to search Talmudic law for the proper way and time frame to change the bulb,
    1 Old Rabbi to bless the old bulb, and
    1 New Rabbi to bless the new bulb.

Jewish Mother: None --- “It's allright, I'll sit in the dark.”

Lutherans: None --- Lutherans don't believe in change.

Methodists: One or more. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish. Remember, what you are thinking whilst changing the bulb is all that matters.

Mormons: Five --- one man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Pentecostals: Ten --- one to change the bulb, nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None --- God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.

Roman Catholics: None --- they use candles.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including day-glow, flash, flood, fluorescent, incandescent, halogen, heat, long-life, mercury, night, sodium, soft, spot, street, three-way, tinted and ultra-violet, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Zen Buddhists: None --- Light is good. Darkness is good. All pain is caused by desire. Eliminate the desire for a new light bulb and you eliminate pain. Accept all life as it comes to you. Now it is light. Now it is dark.

Zoroasterianism: Two --- A Good person and a Bad person, each standing on "their" side of the bulb and turning in synchronism to ensure balanced screwing.

:-)